The word forgiveness is the hardest, most difficult thing to do. Can you truly forgive someone who betrayed you? Have you ever had someone stab you in the back,the front and between the eyes? A person that you felt was a real confidante; you trusted them with your hopes, dreams,innermost secrets and then they turned around and betrayed you? Hell no….. I can’t!
I began this year with great cheer and optimism and two days ago,a close “friend” of mine laid a bombshell on me that still has me reeling in anger, sadness and regret. Anger that I didn’t realize that I was being duped; that my naivete where she was concerned, blinded me to the signs that “friend she was not”. I felt great sadness because I was hit with the realization that she did not value me or my friendship as I had valued her and her friendship; sadness that has left a gaping hole in part of my heart. Regret has since filled me…. I know now that there is one less person to call friend and one more added to the list of “mere acquaintance”. I regret that I can no longer call and bare my heart and feelings to her because she does not characterize what I need in a true friend.
When I shared my betrayal with a sibling, the advice was to air my grievances with my betrayer, forgive her and move on.
But is it so simple? Is forgiveness as easy as it sounds?
The phrase “Time heals all wounds” is applicable here because right now, I need Time! There is no room in my heart for forgiveness for that person. In time I hope that we can speak without me seeing red but forgiveness does not mean forgetting. The relationship with someone who has betrayed you, can never regain the same level of intimacy as there was before; there will always be a certain measure of distrust and caution in your dealings.
I have come to realize though, painful as it is, that I am free! My eyes are open, I can clearly see that she was not a friend; I am no longer blind. I will hurt but come out of it a stringer, definitely wiser person for the experience.Thanks, “friend”, I am grateful!!
Forgiveness is the hardest,most difficult word to give meaning to.
Can you do that?….. Can you forgive??